Oh no, its Thommo

For those of you fortunate enough never to have heard of him, Derek Thompson is a presenter on Channel 4 racing. He is also one of the most loathsome specimens ever to disgrace that discredited channel. I mention him because he has just wrongly called a race and cost some poor betting-in-running hilman hunter a lump of money. That this charmless, unctuous twerp has a job in broadcasting is an indication of how degraded Medialand has become.

He has been on my extensive death list for many years, and never out of the top 10. But you don't have to accept my word for his vileness. In 1995, Thompson was chief witness in a libel case involving, among others, Kieran Fallon, who, Thompson claims, admitted that he stopped horses winning. The judge found in Fallon's favour and Thompson's side had to pay substantial damages. It takes some doing to be exposed as a slimeball by someone as dim as Fallon. What follows is a verbatim account of Lord Justice Morland's summing up;

" ...you have to be satisfied that his account of the conversation is truthful and accurate and that what [Fallon] said amounted to a confession. I feel bound to say that Mr. Thompson's evidence has to be treated with caution, as it is riddled with inconsistencies. You may legitimately ask why would the plaintiff confide career-threatening information to an audio-journalist of limited acquaintance? Furthermore, Thompson is widely disliked in media circles, and justifiably so, as in all my years on the bench I have never encountered such a revolting piece of human garbage as the repellent creature before me. I'd string you up if I could, lowlife scumbag that you are. You ******* worthless, lying, cheating, thieving, verminous ****. Turd. I spit in your general direction. By Jupiter, I hate you Thompson, you gobshite. I'll clean your clock, you screaming bender, come here......"

His Lordship then leapt from the bench screaming "I'll do time for you Thompson" and dived headlong onto the witness, biting furiously as Thommo squealed like a stuck pig. He was only rescued from the enraged octogenarian's crazed Horlicks-fuelled assault by the intervention of his defence counsel, Sir Tinkleberry Snapdriver, QC, who got in a few sly digs himself.

The episode is recounted in more detail in Sir Tinkleberry's recently published autobiography 'Lying for a living', available from all good bookshops, and most bad ones.

By Jupiter indeed, Your Lordship, he really is.